Good Week, Bad Week

We had a drug raid last weekend in my house (6 apts). Another reality check of where I'm living. But it's all good because they didn't bother me and I didn't know it happened until after the fact. I was worried about Halloween because for the first year I didn't have candy for the kids and thought my car would get egged or something but that was not the case. Thank-you neighborhood!!!

I totally ran out of oxygen by Monday. I didn't panic but I also didn't move around a lot. I always wondered what I would feel if that ever happened, but it was okay. When I have extreme episodes of shortness of breath, I sit very very still. In my mind I am crying and scared but outward I am calm and collected. I've learned that crying only blocks my nose and makes it harder to breathe so I work very hard when I'm scared to be calm and control it. Panic only makes the situation worse. This lesson worked well for me when I was out of the O2. My worst times are in the middle of the night when no one is awake anywhere in the world and my mind works overtime, thinking of the worst scenarios. It's hard to describe, and happens infrequently but when it does happen, and I feel breathless and helpless, I am terrified. It is just simply horrific to feel this way and be alone. I don't wish this on anyone and only wish I had quit smoking so much sooner. If nothing else, I am a role model to smokers about what will happen if they don't quit. (hmmm ~ is there a public service commercial in my future?)

All in all it was a good breathing week for me. I was up and out every day this week and that is a sweet thing. I resigned from full time work a year ago and this opportunity to smell the roses is awesome. I have enjoyed this fall so much and little things are important to me again. Money isn't everything and it's a shame that I had to get sick to appreciate that my career wasn't all that I thought it was to me. I can still make a difference in lives and enjoy life as well.

And that is what made this a good week.