Saturday, September 16, 2006

Grief


How on earth do you grieve for an online friend who has died? My friend Melisa passed away at 1:25 am with her family at her bedside. I cannot believe she won't be in my life anymore. I can't say goodbye to her. I don't know where to put my anger and grief right now. I know that I should know what to do but I can't think.

Melisa was just 42 and had COPD which was very severe. As bad as her illness was, she continued to volunteer for her son's boy scout troup, her religious group and she was so cheerful and encouraging to everyone. With her oxygen she could still do laundry and vacuuming and shopping. Melisa still did her gardening and loved to watch the hummingbirds that came to her bird feeders. What an inspiration she was as she waited for the medical team to tell her she was "bad enough" for a lung transplant. How ironic that she died waiting to be bad enough.

I hate this disease. I hate what it does to people. I hate that because we smoked and "did this to ourselves" it is so hard to get research money to come up with a cure. I hate being called a "burden on society". I hate that it took a good friend from me and left me with this helpless feeling.

Melisa was a good friend to me and I'll miss talking with her on Yahoo and on our cells and I will definitely miss her emails first thing in the morning. Already our Breathing Better site feels hollow without her. Like a school emptied out in summer.

I know you can breathe well now, Melisa, Godspeed.

3 comments:

Moof said...

I'm so sorry ... It's so hard to lose someone.

You know, I wish I had just the right words to offer you, but you and I both know that there aren't any. All I can tell you is that I hope that your heart heals, and that your spirits lift.

You know - you might consider submitting this post to Grand Rounds ...

If you need someone to "talk" to, you have my email address ... I can't make things better, but I can listen, and love.

{{{ hugs }}}

Fat Doctor said...

I'm very sorry for your loss but so glad you had the chance to know this person who meant so much to you. We all make important relationships through our blogs and other online communities. My "blog friends" are very important to me, and when they hurt, I hurt. I'm hurting for you right now, too.

RX850 said...

Thank-you guys for your support. I know there are no words but I know that you understand.