Wednesday, January 10, 2007
I don't know if I can adequately describe how I'm feeling. I didn't make any New Year's resolutions, but I seem to be moving forward. We have a new class, and I love teaching them. I love the idea that in some small way, I am helping my community by placing good caregivers out there. It gives me purpose and meaning and I need that. As I've said before, I thought that I had lost that when I quit full time work in 05. What a gift to be given, helping to make a difference somewhere. My passion has always been my work, and I have that again.
I've also started back in pulmonary rehab, working out and helping my body help itself. My lungs may not work so well, but by exercising, I can make my muscles more efficient so that my lungs send more oxygen to my vital organs. Overall, it feels freaking good. Just the baby steps I've taken this year make me feel more alive and useful and a participant in my own life, not just a victim of lung disease. I think I've finally conquered the denial of COPD, constantly trying to pretend I'm ok when I'm not; past the embarrassment of being a healthcare professional who should have known better. I have this and I'm living to the best of my ability with it and now I'm trying to embrace it and move forward and do more despite the limitations of it.
So that's where I am today, just grateful. Stay tuned for my evil twin who always wants the whine with her cheese.