Monday, January 22, 2007

BALANCE


I didn't dare write a post last week - it just would have been gloom and doom and not pretty. My mind kept going into the nooks and crannies of darkness and despair. I'm not exaggerating either. I had this feeling of impending doom all week in the pit of my stomach that wouldn't go away. I felt sick in the beginning of the week but gradually felt better physically, however, I couldn't produce a decent thought that was outside of myself and my own misery to save my life. I would go between anger and depression and back again to just plain down and out and wallow in there.

By the time that I realized that I hadn't refilled my celexa, I had been without it for about a week. I had been thinking that maybe it was time to start weaning off it because I was doing so well, but now I think I better not try that just yet.

I started on it several years ago for depression that was affecting my life. I was having a very hard time dealing with a full time stressful job and a chronic illness that just overwhelmed me. I couldn't sleep and that compounded everything. Celexa helped bring me back into harmony with my life. The relief brought with it an ability to deal with my life and find the goodness in it without dwelling in the negative too long. I still get depressions but I can work my way out and frankly I thought it was more me than the antidepressant. But this recent episode seems to indicate that I still need the med. And maybe learn some more coping skills.

2 comments:

LJG aka Pennsylvania Independent said...

I used to be on Celexa 40mg myself until my lovely insurance decided it would not pay for it any longer. I was also on Wellbutrin 150mg and Adderall 10mg.
I was on Lithum, Seroquil, Depakote, and Remeron and all produced terrible side effects.
My insurance plan will not cover anything mental health related, except for hospitalizations. Then there are alot of stipulations to go go thru if I were to be hospitalized for it.
My employer changed the insurance plan and it has not been a very smooth transition. No one like the new coverage. I know a co-worker who got stuck paying about 75% of her gall bladder surgery because the insurance refused to pay.
I did go to my wife's family physician because it seemed my psychitrist and my own family doctor walked out of me because they seemed to dislike my insurance.
I am still trying to get all of my mental health records for my new doctor, because my doctor cannot do much until she has the records.
I really do want to avoid hospitalization because it has happened twice to me already. For allowing the anger and depression I can relate with you on getting the best of me.
Best Wishes to you,
Levi

RX850 said...

Good luck with the new doctor!