Sunday, October 01, 2006

Into each life a little rain must fall

It's amazing how a rainy day will land like an elephant on my chest. Ugh. I am fine if I'm still but the minute I move around, I have to crank up the oxygen and try to go slow. Slow is not something that comes naturally to me. I've received comments all of my adult life about how fast I walk, how fast I accomplish things. That all changed over the past year.

In order to complete any task I have to move at a snail's pace. Un-natural and frustrating in so many ways. It also means that I need help to do some things, like move furniture or lift things. The oxygen it takes to move my arms over my head is amazing. I know that I won't regain any lung function, but I also know that if I improve my muscle function, they can use oxygen more efficiently so that my oxygen can go to the vital functions of keeping me alive. Important task.

However, in the past few months, I've begun working again part time and struggling with the task of finding a new place to live and other life issues, and consequently have let exercise go by the wayside. I have attended Pulmonary Rehab in the past and really need to get back to get into shape again. I have gained weight and know that contributes to my shortness of breath.

My short term plan is to go back to Pulm Rehab after I'm settled at a new place (I'm moving next week) and begin to get back some function so that I am not living such a sedentary life. Before pulm rehab the last time, even something so simple as showering was pure torture. I'd be gasping for air by the time I was done. Through rehab and support groups and internet searching, I have found many ways to lessen the torture. But I was functioning so much better and feeling better while I was doing the required exercises. Even mentally, I was so much better by exercising. The more I did, the more I wanted to do.

I'm looking forward to getting back to that feeling of well-being despite the limitations. Instead of this feeling of helplessness in the face of the limitations. Then the rain might feel less like tears.

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